“Do you know what that sound is, highness? Those are the shrieking eels. If you don’t believe me, just wait. They always grow louder when they’re about to feed on human flesh!”

No, for real though, that is a Shark. For real. A Frilled Shark. F’real.

A while back, Baje, myself and some other folks watched a Korean monster movie called The Host. You may have seen it in your local video store’s bargain bin. Basically, a giant CGI Frilled Shark with legs was the star. In America, we don’t even bother putting ridiculous movies of this sort out in theaters, because we have the Syfy channel. If you haven’t been paying attention to the attention they’ve been paying to modern sharks, lemme let you know – they’re the new masterpiece theater.

It all started with Mega Shark Vs.Giant Octopus. Well, that’s what I think because I don’t know any better, so just nod your heads and stay with me kids. That bit of cinematic genius up above blows the ridiculousness of Deep Blue Sea and Snakes On A Plane right out of the water, no Samuel L. Jackson needed.

And now there’s a sequel, Mega Shark Vs. Crocosaurus, starring your favorite nerd from the 90′s, the one and only Jaleel White, and some fake ass Pierce Brosnan. Shark flying over the battleship, or taking a bite out of the bridge? It’s more classic material than the joint named just so off the second Leaders Of The New School album.

Last but not least, though Diddy quote unquote “invented the remix”, Sharktopuss augmented it.

Now’s about the time when my great bad ideas start kicking in…I think it would be awesome if we had access to a theater, and we could have a B-movie Shark night! We can serve Sex on The Beaches and Land Shark Lager…

B about it,
Susan Z. Anthony