Dear Baje,

While I consider us chums, good friends even, I have at times felt like you were holding something back from me. I Sensed evasiveness. Like you were involved in some sort of secret business endeavor. Trawling the interweb recently, I was stunned to find this:

Frankly, I thought the whole black girl harem thing was more SNAFU’s style, but perhaps he is rubbing off on you, all of that guy talk as you work so closely to create your magical musics.

Just know that you can tell me anything. Because if you don’t tell me, I will still find out. I am the internet.

Omnipresently,
Susan Z. Anthony

(editor’s note: What’s a Pee Pee Truck?)

According to Snafu, “this was in a Popular Science issue about ‘when robots fight back.’” That’s really fucking creepy, and not nearly as much fun as my personal favorite stabbing robot:

Have good Tuesday.

Your old friend Pre (the producer from Babbletron) made this song. If you fell on your face this week, then this one’s for you. If you like it, you can download it from the player, just click the downward-facing arrow. Better yet, you can get the whole EP “Conversation With A Dragonfly” for free over here.

Faceplant by Pre by modernshark

Get up again.

= baje

There’s more free booze out there than you might think. Here’s a few tips on how to stay sauced-up on the cheap.

1) GO TO WINE TASTINGS! If your local liquor store has a wraparound pane of bulletproof glass, there won’t be any tastings going on. You need to get out of the hood first. Follow the white people (from a safe distance) until you arrive in a place where dreams come true. A rich(er) area will have MULTIPLE wine stores with weekly or bi-weekly tastings! If you plan ahead, you can even go to several in the same evening! Taste all the wines, then walk around the store a bit. Let those notes of sea-moss and honeysuckle settle on you palate, then head back to the table for another go ’round.

2) GO TO ART OPENINGS! If you live in a city, there’s got to be art openings going on somewhere! Despite the rich-kids-club vibe that many art scenes exude, art gallery doors are usually wide open to the public. In today’s economy, most artists don’t expect to sell much anyway, so the best they can hope for is for lots of people to see their shit. Now here’s where the booze comes in… most artists are full-blown alcoholics! There’s ALWAYS booze at gallery openings, and it’s almost always free! And here’s the best part… They’ve already provided something for you to do while you’re drinking: there’s paintings and stuff all over the walls!

3) DON’T BE SHY! DON’T BE FASHIONABLY LATE! Neither of these tips will get you tipsy UNLESS you follow rule #3, which is coincidentally a universal rule for all free food and drink situations. Get it while it’s hot! If an art opening starts at 7, you can be sure that the free drinks will still be there at 7:05. That’s when YOU and your homies get there. Lenny Kravitz can get there fashionably late because his limo is stocked with refreshments and yours isn’t.

Until next time, good hunting,

= baje

Big Tone Tank.

Instant Cities getting his lounge on.

Baje. Looking down at something.

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$5 CDs

$5 Vinyl (all vinyl except the Baje / J. Howells Werthman EP)

$15 Tees (tees come with a free CD!)

From now until New Years! Head to the Shark Store and get busy on em!

What say me,

Google Patents is a great place to trawl for really bad ideas. I found this patent for “Hip hop dolls, animals, bears/ rapping dolls, animals, bears” filed by Taylor Christopher Carthern in 2005.

The images and the statements within the patent are unbearable. (editor’s note: unBEARably awesome!) For example:

According to Mr. Carthern: “My invention will involve stuffed teddy bears, dolls, animals and puppets that will speak hip hop slang, Ebonics, rapping words and phrases. The bears will have a chip with a pre-recorded message on it that would be activated by pressing a button on the animals. The animals will be dressed in hip or urban clothes and you will also be able to buy more clothes for a certain animal. The animals will say phrases such as Wats up shawty? Or Bling bling. They may even rap there name. Ex. If you have a bear name Eddie The Mac. He may rap something like it’s your boy E-D-D-I-E- coming ready like Freddy chillin like penicillin cuz Im a mac.”

(All spelling and punctuation kept intact from the original)

[sic] wid it,

Susan Z. Anthony

Sometimes you have to live off the fat of the land. When there isn’t enough fat to live off, maybe you can snack off the fat of the land until you are somewhat full.

Look for free samples. In my neighborhood we have this very fancy and super annoying food store called Union Market where they always have stuff out for tasting. Every day they have tiny cubes of cheese (usually 2 varieties!), olives, & little pieces of bread with olive oil to dip the bread in. BOOM! You just went from being hungry to enjoying a stand-up French picnic.

You will have to get over the potential embarrassment inherent to eating a lot of free samples. Here’s a few tips on that:

1) MAKE YOUR ROUNDS. Eat a few bites of cheese, then make your way over to the next freebies, etc… then come back to the delicious cheese.

2) YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Trust, anyone who’s ever worked at retail knows that “the public” is full of crazies. You are not the only one who is eating lots of free samples.

3) SIN BOLDLY… as Martin Luther once said. Free food isn’t any fun if you’re gonna stress about being that guy/girl who’s taking advantage of the system. If it helps, bring a friend to the picnic.

4) KNOW THYSELF / WASH THYSELF. If you’re dressed a little bummy or rocking some body funk, go to a bigger store where you are less likely to be harassed. In NYC, other sweet spots for free samples include Fairway, Trader Joes, & Whole Foods.

Good hunting,

= baje