Looking for a new direction in what has been a largely empty existence, Hamburglar tries his hand at conceptual sculpture art in order to give us a glimpse into a frightening alternate reality where the world runs out of Happy Meals.

Everything – from the blue tint of the children to their disparate arrangement on the rocks – was visually recorded verbatim from Ronald McDonald’s pre-frontal cortex during a chemically-induced ‘perpetual’ REM sleep using state-of-the-art military technology. The mind-photo was then electrically transmitted through Hamburglar, allowing the Beef Thief a chance to put his own spin on the piece.

When asked about HIS inspiration for the sculpture, Hamburglar, 39, shocked the world when he cited Chicken McNuggets as the driving influence behind the work. “I’m tired of being pigeon-holed,” the artist said, responding to an outpouring of hate mail from former fans, “Can’t a man enjoy stealing more than one type of food?”

During a videotaped interview with a local news crew, Hamburglar took things further, stuffing his face with hamburgers, repeatedly shouting “Is this what you want?,” while sobbing uncontrollably. His handlers assured the media on hand that this outburst was in fact the auspicious debut of a new piece of performance art, something that the masked bandit had been practicing “a lot lately.” Unfortunately, the video is unavailable at this time.

“Everyone else gets to change,” Hamburglar said with a heavy sigh, slowly peeling back his signature black mask to reveal the clammy, rashy skin around his tired eyes. “I’m through. No more hamburgers, no more doing my little dance for your cameras. I make sculptures now, and I eat McNuggets. McNuggets god-dammit.”

The sculpture, entitled ‘Lost In The Sauce: A Requiem In Five Pieces’, will be on display indefinitely on the lawn fronting the McDonald’s on route 27 in the Mastic-Shirley section of Long Island.